There are a million and thirteen thoughts in my head; so many in fact, that the pain is almost excruciating. I've been keeping a lot of thoughts internalized lately. Perhaps that's triggering the pain. I came across this old abandoned blog today... A place for gratitude to the universe, a place for thoughts to go when I can't find the way to let them be... And as I let my self twist with the clouds out beyond the glass that separates me from that wicked whirl wind, I find an oxymoronic peace in the chaos.
Dear Universe,
Thank you for shutting the cat up that has been meowing at the laundry room door for no apparent reason for the last half hour. I have gratitude for silent moments.
Thank you for the wind outside that is cleaning the soil and sand on the driveway after yesterday's flower bed cleaning. I enjoy having one less physical task today while I enjoy the cleanliness at my feet.
Thank you immensely, dear Universe, for TV On Demand episodes of The Good Wife that occupy my attention after nine hours of monotonous safety at work. I enjoy not having to think for an hour. (I also enjoy the scandal in front of me not being one of my own).
I have gratitude for a gloomy sky while I lay on the couch at 5:30 this evening, no sun egging me out to play, allowing my body to just rest.
Insert gratitude for leftovers in the fridge here. Dear Universe, I am grateful for the abundance of nourishment remaining from previous hard work that allows me to keep my ass on the couch for another half hour.
In these moments of silence, I will opt for gratitude for teenage children who either work or have retreated to their bedrooms for teenage things. It's been a long couple of weeks of haggling and banter and I am happy to have a conversation with no one at all.
It's starting to thunder outside, the sky is threatening rain, and I am immensely grateful for the silent understanding of my emotion. The rain, I am sure, will wash away much of what's been lingering, creating a haze and a dusty clarity. Maybe there will be some light in the sky... Just for a bit.
The depths of my aching, reaching soul lay at your feet, dear Universe, in offering of all that I am in gratitude for the interruptions I have in thoughts like these ones. Interruptions of my darkness with sparks of light, cushioned in passionate adoration, simply with the justification of knowing it exists. Thank you for simple love in complicated situations, and thank you for it's communication. Tomorrow I shall thank you for it's touch.
And thank you, my sweet solace and confidant, for blessing my life with true, wondrous friendship, where my decisions are my own, judgement falls to the wayside, and acceptance is gentle and always available. Thank you for their encouragement to follow my heart, and trust me to do what I know may not always be easy, but is right for me.
The winds are blowing. Someone I once knew always says 'the winds of change are blowing hard'. Today, I am grateful for it being someone I once knew, while at the same time being saddened for the same reason. I also have gratitude knowing sometimes the wind blows to move the storm past, and sometimes the wind just blows to blow.
I seem to be in the middle of it all... These thoughts, these moments, this storm... But this too shall pass, and I will be grateful, dear Universe.
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